“In a way, we are magicians. We are alchemists, sorcerers and wizards. We are a very strange bunch. But there is great fun in being a wizard.” – Billy Joel

“I used to like to break into other people’s houses and sit in their rooms. I found it very comforting to be in someone’s empty house.” -Jared Leto

“Carrot Top… I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.” -Rip Taylor

“Hollywood is like Picasso’s bathroom.” -Candice Bergen

“I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.” -Mitch Hedberg

“We’re takin’ you on a road rockin’ trip down to Flavortown, where the gravitational force of bacon warps the laws of space and time.” -Guy Fieri

“Two dudes. Same dude.”

”Oh, you mean twins?”

”Nah, not even close.” -Greg Kerber

“Sure, some people are afraid of steroids. Some people were afraid of fire, too. Afraid of electricity, or of splitting the atom. But I know that the body I have now is far superior to the one I was born with. I, Jose Canseco, have changed my own destiny and become more than just an athletic superstar — I have become a superman. A god!” -Jose Canseco

*** loud fart ***
“para los pobres… que los ricos coman mierda!!!”
-Oscar’s dad

“Yeah, a lot of these edible plants are actually pretty disgusting.” -Mike Weiss, Naturalist